Are you there God? It's me, Milo...

*sigh* Yeah, so I've been sorta bad lately. Moms and Pops don't know what's wrong with me, meaning why have I been acting up more than usual. Maybe it's the weather. It was so nice and warm for a couple of days...Mom took me for walks and I would joyously play outside. Lately it's been pretty chilly and gray so I've been stuck inside. I've been reverting to some of my old bad-puppy behavior, like chewing blankets (but not the cashmere one Grandma Perry got for Moms...I'd be in a shelter if I got my paws on that one), getting up in the middle of the night, and being more aggressive than usual.
B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

But Moms seems to think that once it gets nice again I'll be a good doggy again. And I would like to brag that I haven't touched any of the shoes she has left out while she's at work. Man, I must be getting old if chewing shoes isn't fun for me anymore. Moms is the disciplinarian...Dad's the fun one. He gives me leftovers, plays really rough with me, and makes sure that I am comfy on his bed (even when I scoot up between him and Moms) at night. Moms is nice too, don't get me wrong, but when I piss her off and she yells at me, man do I get SCARED. All she has to do is threaten to put me in my cage and I run to Pops, lay next to him and give him kisses to make it all better. Like this: Then they forget about whatever I did to make them mad in the first place (well, at least Dad does...Mom's not that gullible). Brilliant!

So anyhow, I have some pics that Mom took of me...she says that even though I'm a little sh*t I'm still pretty cute. I'll be providing a commentary on each one.

See, here's an example of how smart I am. Moms and Pops leave the keys in the side door so when I want to go outside I just go to that door, jump on the keys and jingle them. Just like ringing a bell for my servants. Sometimes I fake them out though. Like for this pic, I jingled the keys so Dad came to let me out. Only when he turned around I was gone. I had run back and laid on what was formerly his spot on the couch! It was all warm and comfy, and all Dad could do was look at me in amazement. Sometimes my genius even amazes me...

When I cross the line though all I have to do is snuggle up to whoever is on the couch at that moment..usually it's Pops who's there watching a movie or playing video games. When I cuddle up to him like this how can he stay mad at me??

This is how Pops and I spend our Saturday afternoons (Editor's note [meaning Roxanne]: Seriously, this is what I see almost EVERY Saturday from 2-5. Men.). Look at how much room I have on the couch to spread out...Dad has to lay on whatever area is left over. He's so whipped.

After our nap I need to stretch. Sometimes if I stretch juusssst right I can slap Pops in the face. "What did the paw say to the face? Slap!" For those of you who don't know, that's a variation of a Chappelle Show skit (Moms LOVES Chappelle show...I think she has each episode memorized. God, I'm sick of the Chappelle Show.).

Some of my most favorite things in the world are blankets. The one on the left is an old doggie blanket I've had since I was a puppy (don't I look kingly? Forget King James, it's King Milo all the way). The one on the left is this nice, big, soft one Moms and Pops got that I've already put a few holes in (Moms was SUPER PISSED). And before you think I was posed, I really do gather up the blankets myself to get warm and comfy...this is how they find me. I TOLD you I'm brilliant.

If you're around now then you are a witness to the Milo Davis era. Don't let the Cavs marketing people fool you...those shirts were made for me. They're even black and white like I am!

So that's it for me for now. I guess I'll just hang around and wait for it to get nice, and watch some TV in the interim. "They're ain't no bugs on me, they're ain't no bugs on me, there might be bugs on some of you mugs but they're ain't no bugs on me!" That's the kind of crap that's on TV now. And that commercial is crap for 3 reasons: 1) ain't is not a word...my Moms taught me that. Every time she hears that word she yells at the TV "AIN'T ISN'T A WORD!!!!" 2) if that dog's parents bathed him like my parents do (and his are supposed to) he wouldn't have bugs on him in the first place; and 3) he really rubs it in that he doesn't have fleas...if I were the other dog in that commercial I would've mauled him by the second sentence. Chump.

OK, I'm done now. Peace out!